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FAQ

Questions and Answers

Fiona from Kettering - QUESTION - My partner has suggested that we get into bondage but it worries me. Could it be painful or could I get injured?

Thank you for your question Fiona.

There are a few people who enjoy pain but for the majority of the population bondage is about fun. Both participants must feel comfortable with it and both must enjoy it for it to be a worthwhile exercise.

To be honest lots of people who don’t indulge in bondage, or BDSM as it is often known , express opinions that are far from the truth. Bondage is merely another way for  participants to enjoy sex.

People that participate in the BDSM lifestyle should always talk before, during, and after any activity to make sure that they are both on the same page. BDSM in a healthy, consensual environment is not abuse. It is there to be enjoyed. There should never be any pain and certainly, no damage should be done.

Bondage is just role-playing and should not be aggressive or violent. It can be whatever the participants want it to be. Remember bondage isn’t sexy unless everyone is enjoying it. It’s not about the dominant partner or partners doing whatever they want to the submissive partner. It’s about all participants getting what they want out of it.

It is vital that you both understand that STOP means Stop and MORE means more. Both of your feelings and interests must be respected in order for BDSM role playing to work.

It’s important to discuss and assess your emotions before, during, and after BDSM of any kind. Talk to your partner about it. Figure out what works for you, what doesn’t work and maybe even what really turns you off. Communication plays such a vital role in every relationship.

Rest assured that done right there will be no pain and you will suffer no harm.

REMEMBER – BDSM IS JUST ANOTHER WAY IN WHICH YOU CAN ENJOY SEX AND EACH OTHER.

May I suggest that you read my Blog on the subject on this website?

Question Hayley from Brighton - I am put off using a vibrator or even having sex as my vagina remains dry and it is uncomfortable. This is embarrassing. Have you any advice regarding lubricants?

Thank you for your question Hayley. 

It is important for a woman you have a moist or better still a wet vagina when either using sex toys or having sex, For women suffering from a dry vagina sex or masturbation can be more difficult and even painful. Such women should use lubricants.

This is not a cause for any embarrassment. Many women whose vaginas naturally self-lubricate still use lubricants. Sex is better with a lubricant and they increase the pleasure by some measure.            As the saying goes – The wetter the better.

There are various types of lubricants and it is good to know which suits you best.

WATER-BASED LUBRICANTS – The advantages of using these include being safe with condoms and silicone sex toys having no effect on them. As well as this they do not stain the sheets and wash off easily. A disadvantage is that during long sessions they can dry out and more lubricant needs to be added.

SILICONE-BASED LUBRICANTS – These are longer lasting than water-based lubricants and feel very silky. They can also be used in the shower as they don’t wash off easily. The only problem is that they should not be used with sex toys. The silicone in these toys is damaged by them and the surfaces can then harbour bacteria.

OIL-BASED LUBRICANTS – The advantage of these lubricants is that they continue to be effective during long sessions. A severe disadvantage is that they can cause condoms to rip and tear. They are also associated with vaginal infections and stain the sheets.

The type of lubricant used is a matter of personal choice but do not feel embarrassed – Just Enjoy.

Question Sarah from Wolverhampton – Question – Do you think the age of consent ought to be lowered? Would it be better to instruct young girls on the use of sex toys?

Answer – This is a thorny issue and opinions will vary wildly. Some people believe it should be lowered and others think the age of consent should be higher. I understand that an age of consent law is in place to protect vulnerable children and in the UK that age is 16. The problem is that girls especially take no notice of it as they are ready for sexual intercourse and have raging hormones before the age of 16. Doctors even prescribe the pill for younger girls and many parents encourage this. So we have a law that is not working.

More importantly, we should ask why so many girls have raging hormones and are so ready to have sex at say 14. It is a matter of Nature and Biology. The human race has made many strides but that cannot override the basic and fundamental nature of our species. In the UK the average age at which people die is around age 78. However, originally this age was around 30. So if a person was to have children and look after them they would have to have their first child at about 15. Then they would die and the child would have their own children – And so it would go on. So, in a way, our opinions are totally irrelevant as Nature cannot be overridden but merely modified a little.

The age of consent could be lowered to fourteen but if it were then I believe that there should be a condition. That condition should be that any male having sexual intercourse with a girl of fourteen could not be more than two years older than them. At This would prevent older men from taking advantage. Any that did would serve a very long prison sentence. At one time this is how the law worked in Spain with the miimum age for a girl being 12. The male could never be more than two years older than her. This no longer applies with the law now being much the same as in the UK.

I have no preference as to what the legal age should be – 14 or 16 or 18. However, I believe that the law should be strictly enforced with both the men and the girls facing punishment for breaking it.

The use of sex toys for very young girls is not to be recommended. When they are used for stimulation the effect that a vibrator can have is quite dramatic. Instead of a pleasurable experience, it can be painful. I suggest that once a girl has these sexual feelings she should be encouraged to masturbate using only her fingers. The use of sex toys can be delayed until the age of 18 upwards.

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